February 18, 2019, 11:52:55 PM

Author Topic: Story: Ronald McDonald (Joke?)  (Read 2732 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline FinnishFlame

  • super member
  • ******
  • Posts: 660
  • Oikeutettu Satunnaisuuden
  • Respect: +6
Story: Ronald McDonald (Joke?)
« on: January 09, 2016, 01:41:06 AM »
0
This is all I've got so far, but here goes:


Prologue -
(click to show/hide)

Entry/Intro -
(click to show/hide)

VS Dario -
(click to show/hide)

VS Dmitrii -
(click to show/hide)

VS Aguni -
(click to show/hide)

VS Succubus -
(click to show/hide)

VS Carmilla -
(click to show/hide)

VS Menace:
(click to show/hide)

VS Barlowe -
(click to show/hide)

VS Albus -
(click to show/hide)

VS Death -
(click to show/hide)

VS Dracula:
(click to show/hide)

VS Somacula:
(click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: May 23, 2016, 12:07:33 AM by FinnishFlame »
"Always Alert." "Not As Alert As I Once Was."

Offline Zufeng

  • sr. member
  • ****
  • Posts: 198
  • Ware wa meshia nari!
  • Respect: +2
Re: Story: Ronald McDonald (Joke?)
« Reply #1 on: January 09, 2016, 11:51:28 AM »
0
Damn,This is hilariously serious
I want write story like this,but my grammar suck hard lol
Beautiful yet fleeting,it flickers and perishes.
Word cannot describe what lays there.
All that remains is sadness and long-neglected memories.

Offline Lukmendes

  • giga member
  • **********
  • Posts: 1965
  • llamas of shadow
  • Respect: +16
Re: Story: Ronald McDonald (Joke?)
« Reply #2 on: January 09, 2016, 09:35:35 PM »
0
Clearly Dario had a bad experience with McDonald's at some point in his life, lol.

Barlowe: Fool! How dare you offend me? You’ve come this far, and you will perish by my hand!

That line seems a bit random since Ronald just walked into the room, so he didn't really do anything to "offend" Barlowe, unless his mere presence "offends" him.

Also, about Aeon's dialogue, once in a while, sneaking up a time pun would be "necessary", it's part of his character, it's annoying but it needs to be done, lol.

Edit: Also, one thing to keep in mind, his companions (Those other McDonald's characters), I think they could be put on the story as well, anyone correct me if I'm wrong, but I think Reimu's story, her other two companions would talk as well, so the same could be done with Ronald, since the limit of portraits to be used are 5, he'd have one to spare (Not saying he'd need to use it, just saying there's one extra).
« Last Edit: January 09, 2016, 09:43:48 PM by Lukmendes »

Offline FinnishFlame

  • super member
  • ******
  • Posts: 660
  • Oikeutettu Satunnaisuuden
  • Respect: +6
Re: Story: Ronald McDonald (Joke?)
« Reply #3 on: January 09, 2016, 10:38:18 PM »
0
This probably won't show up on the listings below, so here it is:

VS Death -
(click to show/hide)

In addition, I actually have no idea what manner Ronald's companions would talk in, or how they could fit into the story.
« Last Edit: January 09, 2016, 11:55:13 PM by FinnishFlame »
"Always Alert." "Not As Alert As I Once Was."

Offline Lukmendes

  • giga member
  • **********
  • Posts: 1965
  • llamas of shadow
  • Respect: +16
Re: Story: Ronald McDonald (Joke?)
« Reply #4 on: January 09, 2016, 11:22:28 PM »
0
You need to put that dialogue on the first post, to make it more organized.

Anyway:

VS Death -
Death: Are you kidding me? They sent a mere CLOWN as my opponent?

I think in this case Death could be more flabbergasted that Ronald reached this far, Ronald isn't an opponent who was "sent", he reached that point by defeating others.

Also, I think Death's speech pattern is more "formal", so him saying "Are you kidding me?" sounds odd (For me at least), so maybe he could say something like "This has to be a joke".

Quote
Death: ...
Death: Do you refer to Dracula?

Count/Lord Dracula would be more fitting here, he speaks of his master with respect, not "casualy".

He also sounds very angry when compared to how calm he usualy is, but with a clown running around defeating every boss, it's understandable, lol.

Quote
In addition, I actually have no idea what manner Ronald's companions would talk in, or how they could fit into the story.

Well, you don't have to put them, that was just a random suggestion lol.

Offline FinnishFlame

  • super member
  • ******
  • Posts: 660
  • Oikeutettu Satunnaisuuden
  • Respect: +6
Re: Story: Ronald McDonald (Joke?)
« Reply #5 on: January 09, 2016, 11:52:41 PM »
0
It was on the first post, but for some reason it didn't show up when I saved it. If I open it now, it'll still be there, but it's not displayed.

I've edited it though.
"Always Alert." "Not As Alert As I Once Was."

Offline Lukmendes

  • giga member
  • **********
  • Posts: 1965
  • llamas of shadow
  • Respect: +16
Re: Story: Ronald McDonald (Joke?)
« Reply #6 on: January 10, 2016, 12:09:06 AM »
0
The spoiler tag isn't done properly on Barlowe's dialogue, it's /spoiler], so Death's was put inside of that one.

Offline FinnishFlame

  • super member
  • ******
  • Posts: 660
  • Oikeutettu Satunnaisuuden
  • Respect: +6
Re: Story: Ronald McDonald (Joke?)
« Reply #7 on: January 10, 2016, 12:09:56 AM »
0
Thanks, I'll just go ahead and fix that.
"Always Alert." "Not As Alert As I Once Was."

Offline Lukmendes

  • giga member
  • **********
  • Posts: 1965
  • llamas of shadow
  • Respect: +16
Re: Story: Ronald McDonald (Joke?)
« Reply #8 on: January 10, 2016, 12:19:35 AM »
0
You should also put the updated version of Death's dialogue on the first post lol.

Offline FinnishFlame

  • super member
  • ******
  • Posts: 660
  • Oikeutettu Satunnaisuuden
  • Respect: +6
Re: Story: Ronald McDonald (Joke?)
« Reply #9 on: January 10, 2016, 12:39:54 AM »
0
Sorry about that.
"Always Alert." "Not As Alert As I Once Was."

Offline FinnishFlame

  • super member
  • ******
  • Posts: 660
  • Oikeutettu Satunnaisuuden
  • Respect: +6
Re: Story: Ronald McDonald (Joke?)
« Reply #10 on: January 18, 2016, 01:25:18 AM »
0
Added Dracula, with some questions. Does this Dracula know about alternate realities?
"Always Alert." "Not As Alert As I Once Was."

Offline Lukmendes

  • giga member
  • **********
  • Posts: 1965
  • llamas of shadow
  • Respect: +16
Re: Story: Ronald McDonald (Joke?)
« Reply #11 on: January 18, 2016, 01:51:44 AM »
0
Added Dracula, with some questions. Does this Dracula know about alternate realities?

I'm not sure exactly how much, but I don't think he'd know as much about Ronald's universe as Death (The way Death works here is that he exists almost everywhere, so main timeline Death, CotM timeline and Legends timeline, same Death), I think Uber Dracula is only aware of them since the characters from alternate timelines like Barlowe, Brauner, Dario and Dmitrii work for him, but he probably doesn't know too many details.

That's how I think it is, I might be wrong.

Edit: Also, dialogue looks good, though I don't think mods in here like refferences to the lines from CV itself (I think Sypha's story had one and the writter was warned they wouldn't really like it, but then again, that was almost a direct quote from the "pile of secrets" line)
« Last Edit: January 18, 2016, 01:57:46 AM by Lukmendes »

Offline FinnishFlame

  • super member
  • ******
  • Posts: 660
  • Oikeutettu Satunnaisuuden
  • Respect: +6
Re: Story: Ronald McDonald (Joke?)
« Reply #12 on: January 22, 2016, 03:15:37 AM »
0
Added Albus. Ronald is now a poet.
"Always Alert." "Not As Alert As I Once Was."

Offline Lukmendes

  • giga member
  • **********
  • Posts: 1965
  • llamas of shadow
  • Respect: +16
Re: Story: Ronald McDonald (Joke?)
« Reply #13 on: January 24, 2016, 02:00:09 PM »
0
That poetry part was random, I'll assume it's because Ronald is crazy, lol.

Albus seems like he dismisses Ronald being a clown soon after he notices, and doesn't wonder how he got there, intentional? With him being nearly oissessed it could be natural for him to avoid questions and just warn him I guess.

Also, were there clowns in the 1800's? I think the circus clowns showed up around 1900's, which is after OoE happens.

Offline FinnishFlame

  • super member
  • ******
  • Posts: 660
  • Oikeutettu Satunnaisuuden
  • Respect: +6
Re: Story: Ronald McDonald (Joke?)
« Reply #14 on: January 24, 2016, 09:04:34 PM »
0
There were clowns in the 1800s, it was.around the time that 'people started to perceive them as horrific, malformed beings'.

Albus was intentional, it's like he knew it was strange but quickly brushed it off because of the urgency of the situation.

EDIT~

Added Somacula, and Ronald's moment of fourth wall-breaking glory.
« Last Edit: January 26, 2016, 03:59:30 AM by FinnishFlame »
"Always Alert." "Not As Alert As I Once Was."