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Author Topic: Story - Gabriel Belmont  (Read 5138 times)

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Offline The_Debugger

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Story - Gabriel Belmont
« on: September 04, 2012, 01:50:36 PM »
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Reedit due Lords of Shadow 2 arrival has made me rethink it about the new plot with Gabriel

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« Last Edit: December 15, 2012, 07:41:14 AM by The_Debugger »
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Offline Morrison

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #1 on: September 06, 2012, 08:10:24 PM »
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DITFO.

Offline Malphas

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #2 on: September 06, 2012, 09:58:44 PM »
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While I like the idea of Gabriel entering into Dracula's dimension from the dimensional portal of the forgotten one, there are many MAJOR flaws in this story. Don't feel discouraged, it's only to point out what you can improve here:

The first is language. It's troublesome, it's confusing and you should try to fix it as much as you can. Also, try to correct as many grammar mistakes as you can (there are many and make the story look confusing or poorly revised)

You seem to use a few times with different characters the "enought talk, have at you/let's do this" I think you shouldn't use it so much.

-Germain seems to be quite a useless character in this story and I dislike the "go fight Dracula and you'll be returned to your world"
I mean, it's ok, but it needs something else since it gives NO explanation of who is Dracula and why should Gabriel fight him. Why don't simply beat the crap out of Germain until he creates a portal? Because  Uber-Drac is going to destroy the multiverse and he must be stopped!! If destroying the forgotten one was Gabriel's goal, then destroying Dracula would be even more important because it's not just his world, but all the worlds.

-Dario knows his place. Castlevania is not HIS property and he knows that Dracula is THE BOSS.

-I didn't dislike Astarte's dialogue at all, it was just too short and without much meaning for the story.

-Dimitri is all the same. It provides no meat for the story.

against Olrox
Quote
Gabriel: I dont want powers from such a weakling, that i beat on the past and he foolishly fell
Gabriel has never fought Dracula before, but Olrox. You may want to fix that and edit a bit more this dialogue.

Carmilla's dialogue is too confusing. Edit, please.

Succubus: you wanted to make it looks as if Succubus took the form of Marie, but you didn't explain it on the first part... and you should ask first just in case there are no Marie sprites (which is most likely)

Quote
Death: you are a traitor who doesnt deserve to live!
Nope, not all vampires serve Dracula. You could speak more about how Zead-Death-Zobek are the same person and Death is aware of Gabriels's presence. Also, Death is powerful but wise. It should impress Gabriel with some epic knowledge or a nice discourse. Surprise us.

Dracula: I didn't like it at all. You could have done something far more interesting such as the Gabriel managing to know (or making Dracula reveal it) the true identity of uber-drac: Mathias, father of Gabriel (in another dimension) . It could be awesome if properly done.

THE END: Awkey... some edit and fixing would be nice, though.

OVERALL: Try to make a consistent story in which every (or almost every) battle counts for the story. The player must be left wanting more info, must be EAGER to fight the next boss to know more, like a tv romantic show, MORE!!

FINALLY: Wasn't Zetheraxa the one in charge for Gabriel story? Have you contacted him?


We didn't make the "fill the blanks for stories" thread for nothing, lol.


Also, what does DITFO means? Sounds... powerful.


« Last Edit: September 06, 2012, 10:06:27 PM by Malphas »

Offline Morrison

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #3 on: September 06, 2012, 10:37:51 PM »
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It's an acronym.

Offline Zetheraxza

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #4 on: September 24, 2012, 05:58:13 AM »
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Sorry, I haven't got the time lately due to college so I haven't checked the board for over 2 weeks, you know what happens in a month like September. I have still have yet to give my argument about LoS with you Malphas ;) Lol. But I'm still down to write Gabriel's Scripts. I've read this and the script is nice, but I was thinking of the same thing honestly....A warp from dimensional rift of another timeline into another timeline. As Malphas stated, it's the grammar. You have to consider that LoS, and LoI did a pseudo-old English for their Dialogues and so, Gabriel shouldn't have modern English after entering the dimensional rift. Now, even though there is a lot of creative freedom on WHEN can this 'Old-Cannon-CV-Fighter-With-Alternate-Timeline-Character(s)-And-Non-CV-Guest-Characters' event occur in LoS such as having it before the game starts or in middle of the game or after when Zobek "kills" Gabriel and he is an Astral Projection state, so his spirit manifests into this alternate reality or after the Satan fight. But we are going to go with the dimensional rift alternate timeline wormhole. Now, with this freedom, you cannot forget the game itself because remember, once this 'event' is done, he is going to be the same man like he was in the DLC and off he would go to finish The Forgotten One later onwards. His personality should not drastically change acting all evil and pull off Johnathan Morris in this event and leave the event later like nothing happened. This has to look like a side quest that happened while he was entering the dimensional rift. He did his job with St. Germaine and he left off to his quest. Right now, he doesn't have the Bloodlust. His heart is fading and yes, his emotions are much darker than they were at this point but he is not evil yet. The intro said "is he the one?" Patrick Stewart may be a space Captain, but he ain't no time lord. The intro can be just a plain narration, nobody really has to narrate it really, but I don't know...Gabriel, Ronald, Duke and Frog may be a special case... I will have my take on the story but it seems like people are really posting out their stories every now and then, is a new update coming? I wanted to wait for MoF because I wanted to find out about Gabriel's Ancestors...possibly the 'Cronqvists', I wanted to use them for the Dracula-Gabriel dialogues... Can I postpone this story until MoF or do you really want me to get this done now?

Quote
Dracula: I didn't like it at all. You could have done something far more interesting such as the Gabriel managing to know (or making Dracula reveal it) the true identity of uber-drac: Mathias, father of Gabriel (in another dimension) . It could be awesome if properly done.

Well, Gabriel was out there before Mathias in the Reboot. The way I wanted to do this was that Gabriel really is a bastard child of the Cronqvist Family but he did change his name to Belmont and Mathias and Gabriel are related somewhere in the Family tree in context to the Original Timeline. This may be crazy but I believe that if LoS didn't take place at all, Gabriel & Marie lived great lives in the end and Marie didn't have to name their child or hide it and Gabriel would be the one to name that child and the he would have a son named Leon Belmont. So yes, Leon's Grandfather is Gabriel. And Gabriel sees this through the Mirror of Fate sitting in his throne and sees the glorious future he could have had with Marie if he had any choice to prevent his fate... but alas, that never happened. So Gabriel is the First Belmont, and he served the brotherhood of light, but Gabriel's contributions for his brotherhood were so high that his Family were known as the Family of Royal Knights and were one the best Knights in mastery of Combat and was passed through generations. The only contradictions are that Leon's parents died while he was 16...
« Last Edit: September 24, 2012, 07:07:14 AM by Zetheraxza »
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Offline ThePlotTwist

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #5 on: October 11, 2012, 03:18:01 AM »
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Somehow I feel like that Gabriel would be best fitted on this story right before facing the Dark Lord of the Vampires Carmilla. In fact, right before ENTERING her castle.

What if Gabriel was on his way to fight Carmilla (He doesn't know that the Dark Lord of the Vampires is Carmilla) and upon entering her castle through the Labyrinth Garden, he ended up on Uber Dracula's Castle? He would think that Dracula is the dark lord of the vampires all along, and just go about his bussiness on slaying Dracula like he would do to Carmilla. Of course it would be pretty strange when Gabriel defeated Dracula just to have ANOTHER dark lord of the vampires to fight, and then would come the plot's WHAM. Zobek was behind his actions all along. Gabriel would be wearing the Death Mask (Remember how Zobek controls Gabriel's actions through that mask) and would be fighting Uber Drac because Zobek (Stana in fact. Talk about Man bahind the Man) couldn't afford to have an extradimensional invader (Uber Drac) messing with his plans for Gabriel and the God Mask. So he just does his Death Mask magic and sends Gabriel through the rift to face the interdimensional threat, and when he's done, he has no memory of it because Zobek takes the mask off of his face after bringing him back. Also, it would explain why Gabriel became Dracula, besides the "Gabriel drinks Laura's blood"... Uber Drac kind of "infected" Gabriel with some of his own power upon his defeat, to ensure he would live inside Gabriel even if in another dimension (Gabriel's home dimension).

Offline Morrison

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #6 on: October 11, 2012, 04:09:50 AM »
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I don't know.  None of the takes on Gabriel are really hitting the right spots for me.  They all seem to rely on outside factors when the character is so filled with pathos that looking at the greater world in which he lives for motivation/character development almost seems...wrong, somehow.  Like it's missing the mark too much.

I like the complicated structures of each scenario presented, and they all highlight everyone's creativity, but the most important thing is to keep the character in mind.  When you start relying too much on sub-plots with Satan, Zobek, the Mirror of Fate, and the like, Gabriel gets lost--and we don't really have the advantage of being able to use these other characters.  So let's kick around some ideas that will help us explore Gabriel's internal struggles a bit. 

1. Depending upon when Gabriel was taken, he may discover that he and Uber-Drac aren't so different after all.  Maybe Mathias's loss of Lisa resonates with Gabriel's own loss.  Maybe this has a substantial subconscious effect on Gabriel that will lead him down his dark path in LoS.

2. One thing I wanted to explore with one of the two Dracula scripts is the idea of the self-fulfilling prophecy.  Mathias meets Uber-Dracula before he has ever even met Lisa, and looks upon Uber-Dracula with disdain and disgust, not realizing that he's looking at what's essentially a (somewhat distorted) future version of himself.  Perhaps this would be better reserved for Gabriel, though, who is taken at a time before the loss of Marie.

3. Perhaps Gabriel is taken just before he chooses to fight the Forgotten One.  He encounters this insane demigod named Dracula who seeks to destroy all life, to consume it so completely that the whole of reality is threatened.  Perhaps this is the psychological turning point where Gabriel truly becomes an anti-hero--he decides to become Dracul, the Dragon, the Devil himself in some perverted attempt to save humanity from the inevitable oblivion that following the gods will bring.  It's sort of a hyper-cynicism, really.

And those are just three possible motivations that can grow into an interesting character-driven story.  We learn something about Gabriel, we keep Gabriel as the centerpiece, and we don't mess around too much with Gabriel's world.

Offline Macaulyn

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #7 on: December 13, 2012, 02:16:11 PM »
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"I've met a Dark Lord with the same name"? The Carmilla from Lords Of Shadow isn't the same Carmilla from the rest of the games?

Offline ThePlotTwist

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #8 on: December 13, 2012, 06:12:06 PM »
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Nope. Cornell too isn't the same.

Offline Macaulyn

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #9 on: December 13, 2012, 06:53:18 PM »
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What a lack of creativity. Cornell, Carmilla, Laura... Olrox and Brauner are others also?

Offline ThePlotTwist

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #10 on: December 13, 2012, 09:02:23 PM »
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...And Veros Woods, Wygol Village, Vincent Dorin, The Forgotten One and probably Rinaldo Gandolfi too. It's not about lack of creativity, but about using names to create correlations. There will also be Simon and Alucard.
« Last Edit: December 13, 2012, 10:26:48 PM by (yber])ragon10]{ »

Offline Fou-Lu

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #11 on: December 13, 2012, 09:38:33 PM »
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Quote
3. Perhaps Gabriel is taken just before he chooses to fight the Forgotten One.  He encounters this insane demigod named Dracula who seeks to destroy all life, to consume it so completely that the whole of reality is threatened.  Perhaps this is the psychological turning point where Gabriel truly becomes an anti-hero--he decides to become Dracul, the Dragon, the Devil himself in some perverted attempt to save humanity from the inevitable oblivion that following the gods will bring.  It's sort of a hyper-cynicism, really.

Seems like the best option, from what I understood there's a time gap between this and the original game.  Additionally as the story continues beyond with him as Dracula it seems like the best time to still have a "human" Gabriel.

Offline Macaulyn

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #12 on: December 14, 2012, 12:48:45 AM »
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...And Veros Woods, Wygol Village, Vincent Dorin, The Forgotten One and probably Rinaldo Gandolfi too. It's not about lack of creativity, but about using names to create correlations. There will also be Simon and Alucard.

There will be other Alucard and other Simon? This game's story completely lost my good vision.

Offline Undead

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #13 on: December 14, 2012, 03:25:10 AM »
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I think in that era Gabriel would have a more formal vocabulary, and curse much less. Also, details of the scene is something we need sprite for. (ex: Gabriel does this and that).



Now for LOSUniverse, it's a reboot, and IGA is not involved, therefore I cannot complain. I miss the 2D sprite games, but it very unfortunate that these type of games aren't that successful anymore in the game market :/.

Offline ThePlotTwist

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #14 on: December 14, 2012, 04:25:31 AM »
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Another Alucard, another Simon, another Trevor, aaaand, thru some of my assumptions, another Richter and another Sonia.

Offline Macaulyn

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #15 on: December 14, 2012, 11:14:57 PM »
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Another Alucard, another Simon, another Trevor, aaaand, thru some of my assumptions, another Richter and another Sonia.

And, considering that Gabriel turned into Dracula, another Dracula.

Offline Lilfut

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #16 on: February 08, 2013, 03:49:42 AM »
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Cox confirmed another Grant(!!!) on Twitter, also. Just an Easter egg, but still.

Offline Malphas

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #17 on: February 08, 2013, 11:51:26 AM »
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As long as they change THIS design and keep the personality I'm ok with this.

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Offline Lilfut

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #18 on: February 12, 2013, 02:53:46 AM »
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Hoo boy.

Well, first of all, your prose is completely impenetrable. Read your shit before you post it, please.

In addition, having Gabriel after he's already become Dracula is an awful idea. The troubled hero seeking after Marie who you actually PLAY as makes a much more compelling protagonist than an unlikable asshole who's already given into darkness.

Also, if you're just going to have 3 sentences of generic dialogue with the bosses don't even bother.

Your Succubus post-battle dialogue mentions making a mockery of Marie, but that never actually happened.

In short, DITFO.

Offline Lilfut

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #19 on: February 18, 2013, 01:33:35 AM »
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Can I do my own version of this story with the full knowledge that it's competing with this one?

Offline Shadowmaster

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #20 on: February 18, 2013, 01:40:19 AM »
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Can I do my own version of this story with the full knowledge that it's competing with this one?

Considering that this one has received an official DITFO and therefore it's not approved, I wouldn't see why you couldn't write your own version.

Offline The_Debugger

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #21 on: March 13, 2013, 07:03:03 AM »
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i got no problems with other versions so go ahead im thinking something about rebooting due Mirror of Fate storyline
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Offline SomaCruz1998

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #22 on: March 13, 2013, 05:07:06 PM »
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Hope they'll make another Julius.)
That feeling you get, when you've just beaten Death Boss Rush in Bloodlines with no damage and no subs... Yes... That feeling...

Offline Malphas

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Re: Story - Gabriel Belmont
« Reply #23 on: March 14, 2013, 07:18:49 AM »
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I hope they make another Toccata into Blood Soaked Darkness. After seeing Mirror of Fate I think it's the thing I most miss from the old series.