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Author Topic: Story - Alucard  (Read 3821 times)

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Offline Malphas

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Story - Alucard
« on: February 27, 2013, 01:03:53 AM »
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Changelog:
(click to show/hide)
INTRODUCTION:

[A prologue]
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[Alucard and Aeon]
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[Alucard VS Dario]
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[Alucard VS Olrox]
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Alucard VS Agni
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Alucard VS Carmilla
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Alucard VS Shaft
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Alucard VS Richter
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Alucard VS Death
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Alucard VS Dracula
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VS Somacula (Aeon and Alucard)
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Cliff (Aeon and Alucard)
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Epilogue
(click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: March 13, 2018, 05:27:08 AM by Malphas »

Offline Lilfut

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Re: Alucard's Story
« Reply #1 on: February 27, 2013, 01:19:33 AM »
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There might need to be some more discussion of Blackmore's characterization, I like it but it needs to be agreed on by the whole forum.

Offline Malphas

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Re: Alucard's Story
« Reply #2 on: February 27, 2013, 01:27:41 AM »
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I planned to write about him on the forum first but, since I've started writing Alucard already, I'll just leave it there and change it whenever we decide how Blackmore should be. It would change nothing in the main story so I can change this part whenever it's needed.

Offline Malphas

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Re: Alucard's Story
« Reply #3 on: February 28, 2013, 03:51:02 PM »
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Almost done with the first version. As soon as I finish it 100 I will make the revised version. Thoughts about it, so far?

Offline IceWolf

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Re: Alucard's Story
« Reply #4 on: February 28, 2013, 04:34:38 PM »
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is good, i like the parts with orlox and shaft, nice turn of events.

Offline rasgar

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Re: Alucard's Story
« Reply #5 on: February 28, 2013, 04:42:51 PM »
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Grammatical errors and stuff aside, I like the overall idea. I'm undecided on having that part with Sonia, though. I suppose I can understand you wanting to connect the two stories, but I don't know about having the exact same thing happen in both stories.

Offline Alissom

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Re: Alucard's Story
« Reply #6 on: February 28, 2013, 08:57:58 PM »
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cool story. also a beautiful connection between events continue with it.

Offline Malphas

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Re: Alucard's Story
« Reply #7 on: February 28, 2013, 09:07:01 PM »
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Quote
Grammatical errors and stuff aside, I like the overall idea.
In my first draft I tend to brutally mutilate English grammar (and what is worse, I recycled some parts I wrote years ago)
My bad. I'll do a massive revision after the first session of red pens. (which is basically you guys telling me what parts of the story you like/hate)
 
Quote
I'm undecided on having that part with Sonia, though. I suppose I can understand you wanting to connect the two stories, but I don't know about having the exact same thing happen in both stories.
Absolutely. I wanted to connect the two stories by that same part, but this gives too much protagonism to Sonia, who is not relevant at all in Alucard's story. If it's ok, I would like to reduce and change some parts of it so the scene is a bit less of a copy+paste.
Thanks for the feedback, changing more stuff soon.

Offline Pasta

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Re: Alucard's Story
« Reply #8 on: February 28, 2013, 09:19:59 PM »
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Quote
Alucard: Ahahahaha! You thought I didn't know about that, vampire? Too bad. I hope my delay was enough. Ah, I was so close... to see Lord Dracula's final victory...! He will take care of you... once the time comes! )
Dies)
You may want to separate that it seems like you forgot to separate Alucard's dialog with Carmilla's
"Let there be light"

Offline Lilfut

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Re: Alucard's Story
« Reply #9 on: February 28, 2013, 10:46:41 PM »
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You may want to separate that it seems like you forgot to separate Alucard's dialog with Carmilla's

that is an excellent plot twist though

Offline Malphas

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Re: Alucard's Story
« Reply #10 on: March 01, 2013, 02:32:10 AM »
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Quote
You may want to separate that it seems like you forgot to separate Alucard's dialog with Carmilla's
Thanks, fixed now.
Quote
that is an excellent plot twist though
Well, we have Trevucard already, Carmucard would also make an awesome character!

Offline Malphas

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Re: Alucard's Story
« Reply #11 on: March 09, 2013, 01:13:03 AM »
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Story is pretty much finished. Only grammar revision and some minor mistakes should remain by now.
I added parts of some of the original conversations from SotN, but hopefully it will fit well the conversations.

-----EDIT-----
Lol no. I still have to change Blackmore for something more solid, but since his part is not really relevant the rest of the story is done.

Offline Malphas

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Re: Story - Alucard
« Reply #12 on: May 23, 2015, 12:25:08 AM »
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Been re-revising my old stories those days. So far I only need to fix Sonia's before I re-read everything again and decide my job there is done... sorta. Also I added Somacula on all of them just in case. If it's finally not used it will simply be cut so it doesn't disrupt anything. Backmore stays the same until I read a bit more about him on the Bosses topic, I may scythe him down.

Offline Lukmendes

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Re: Story - Alucard
« Reply #13 on: May 23, 2015, 12:42:49 AM »
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Been re-revising my old stories those days. So far I only need to fix Sonia's before I re-read everything again and decide my job there is done... sorta. Also I added Somacula on all of them just in case. If it's finally not used it will simply be cut so it doesn't disrupt anything. Backmore stays the same until I read a bit more about him on the Bosses topic, I may scythe him down.

I actualy asked Serio about Blackmore, Medusa and Zephyr on the tier thread, they're on non story tiers but they still "talk" if you play with Frog and fight them, serio said that Frog probably accidentaly activates their story code, so guess those 3 aren't supposed to talk in story mode.

By the way, not sure about this, but wasn't it agreed that other player characters won't interact with the one you've chosen? I'm saying this because Sonia is on your story, but I'm not sure about this.

Offline Malphas

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Re: Story - Alucard
« Reply #14 on: May 23, 2015, 12:50:35 AM »
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True. It's an old story so when I added that part that wasn't still decided. Will fix that too. Grant and Master Skeleton should be fine, though. Blackmore and that Shaft part get the scythe, then. Richter is supposed to be the original one as well, that should be changed too.

Also, thanks for the really quick feedback, lol.
« Last Edit: May 23, 2015, 12:56:43 AM by Malphas »

Offline Lukmendes

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Re: Story - Alucard
« Reply #15 on: May 08, 2016, 11:00:21 PM »
+1
Well, just to start, I think you could've bumped this thread, and Sonia's, just so everyone knows you updated the story.

Also, about what I said on the previous post, apparently, the story code can work to make only one character talk with a specific boss, just saying in case you wanted to make a boss like Blackmore to talk, Serio also mentioned in another thread that another character could show up (I don't remember which thread, but Serio used an example of Dmitrii beating Alucard, and then Alucard runs away when the player arrives), though, no killing the other character, to avoid paradoxes.

Now, for the story itself:

Quote
Aeon: Greetings, you come right on time.

Minor typo here, should be written "You came right on time".

Quote
[Alucard VS Dario]
Dario: Huh?! Not you again!

Don't think Dario ever met Arikado when Julius and Arikado went after him, only Julius was there, for whatever reason, there's the chance that Dario saw him though, but maybe he wouldn't recognize Alucard with the different hairstyle and clothes.

Quote
(Alucard enters. There is one of Shaft's green orbs hidden in the screen, but it does nothing)

Is it really possible for it to be there? Just to make sure, it could also leave when the battle begins.

Quote
Alucard VS Carmilla
Alucard: The castle changed a moment ago. It seems it wanted me to come here before reaching to the throne room.

I think this kind of dialogue should be saved for Aeon when Alucard talks to him before fighting Agni, because when Alucard reaches Carmila, he really should have noticed much earlier that the castle's rooms are a mess, him talking to Aeon about this could be an interesting conversation from them to have.

Quote
He will take care of you... once the time comes! )
Dies)

Minor typo here.

Quote
Alucard VS Shaft
Shaft: Is that so? Have you ever asked yourself what made my Master succeed in my world?

I'm pretty sure Shaft is supposed to be from the same timeline as Alucard.

Quote
Alucard VS Richter

This whole conversation needs to be changed, Richter is supposed to be "possessed" by the Doppelganger, who is controlling Richter because of his desire to keep fighting, or, something like that, only exception would be Richter vs Richter, where he instead faces the doppelganger itself.

Quote
Alucard VS Dracula
Trough the ages you have been holding to a meaningless revenge

Minor typo here.

It's also a bit odd that Alucard got so emotional to the point of even mentioning his mother's last words to Dracula without being asked, also odd for him to call this Dracula "father", and even more odd for Uber Dracula to call him son, not saying either is bad though, just saying here.

Quote
Dracula: She... was the last tie I had with humanity, and why I decided to stop looking for revenge.

Dracula wasn't really at war with humanity before Lisa was killed, after all, even Loi's epilogue says it would take a long time for the Belmonts to face Dracula, and they would have faced him far before Trevor if Dracula started the war at those times (Leon would even probably be the first one to kill Dracula), between Loi and CV3, Dracula was probably only butthurt with God, not humanity, Lisa being killed is what started his war with humanity.

The Somacula dialogue may need to be changed, not sure if it's approved, but player Dmitrii, player Dario and player Celia are planned to be from the same universe as Somacula, which means Somacula's universe could have a background, and Somacula himself could end up having more story/personality than just being an extra boss who shows up out of nowhere.

Anyway, story was pretty good, I'm not really sure if Orlok should have that talkative personality though, there's a Castlevania book which takes place after Dawn of Sorrow, which was translated, somewhere, I remember reading it once, Orlok's personality wasn't as talkative if I remember it correctly, and I think it'd be better to use the personality he has on that book since it's the closes to a personality he ever had in official stuff.

Offline Malphas

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Re: Story - Alucard
« Reply #16 on: May 09, 2016, 09:16:33 PM »
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Wow. that's an AMAZING feedback. Thanks.
Will start fixing those details and update when I'm done.

Offline Lukmendes

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Re: Story - Alucard
« Reply #17 on: May 09, 2016, 10:11:39 PM »
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Wow. that's an AMAZING feedback. Thanks.
Will start fixing those details and update when I'm done.

By the way, found the book:

http://castlevaniadungeon.net/forums/index.php/topic,6118.0.html

Orlok first shows up in the post 8, although he isn't named.

Offline Malphas

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Re: Story - Alucard
« Reply #18 on: May 10, 2016, 01:06:03 AM »
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Quote
Don't think Dario ever met Arikado when Julius and Arikado went after him,
Dimitri knew Arikado was  actually Alucard, so I assumed eventually Dario would find out as well. Fixed a bit now so it makes more sense.
Quote
Is it really possible for it to be there? Just to make sure, it could also leave when the battle begins.
If not possible then the orb leaving when the battle begins is ok too.
Quote
I'm pretty sure Shaft is supposed to be from the same timeline as Alucard.
Dayum, I didn't know. Well, I'll rewrite this one and Richter's conversation.
Quote
also odd for him to call this Dracula "father", and even more odd for Uber Dracula to call him son, not saying either is bad though, just saying here.
This story happens after SotN, so in a way Al tries to make überDrac understand the same point of view as SotN Dracula (SotN's Drac seems to accept why Alucard does what he does, even if they disagree)
As for über Drac, he hesitates a bit, but in the end blood is blood,
(click to show/hide)
Quote
Dracula wasn't really at war with humanity before Lisa was killed,

Uh oh. Big mistake here.
Quote
Orlok
I just knew from SotN's lore that he's actually jealous of Drac, so I gave him a scheming personality and some of the quotes by Stoker's Drac. Then lots of people followed the example, lol. Will change it for the one on the book (as soon as I read it)
« Last Edit: May 10, 2016, 01:11:14 AM by Malphas »

Offline Lukmendes

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Re: Story - Alucard
« Reply #19 on: May 10, 2016, 01:44:38 AM »
+1
Dimitri knew Arikado was  actually Alucard, so I assumed eventually Dario would find out as well. Fixed a bit now so it makes more sense.

Dmitrii only found out when he saw the memories of the previous lifes of Soma's soul, and Dario never even got close to seeing that, so it's far fetched to assume he would already know, at most he would recognize Arikado, but he doesn't seem like someone who would.

Quote
If not possible then the orb leaving when the battle begins is ok too.

That was more of a question directed towards Serio, I have no idea how those things work lol.

Perhaps since characters can have unique conversations, maybe unique objects can show up during the intro, but I'm just making a possibly far fetched assumption.

Quote
This story happens after SotN, so in a way Al tries to make überDrac understand the same point of view as SotN Dracula (SotN's Drac seems to accept why Alucard does what he does, even if they disagree)
As for über Drac, he hesitates a bit, but in the end blood is blood,
(click to show/hide)

I see.

Quote
I just knew from SotN's lore that he's actually jealous of Drac, so I gave him a scheming personality and some of the quotes by Stoker's Drac. Then lots of people followed the example, lol. Will change it for the one on the book (as soon as I read it)

Well, that's basicaly how he is, minus the talkative part, and more stoic (When talking with the children, his face didn't change, even when fighting against Death he remained stoic, the arrogance is still there when talking though), on that book, he's somewhat similar to Brauner on the sense of thinking Dracula sucks for being killed, though since this version of him is a resident of Uber Dracula's universe, that part should be left out, probably should enhance his jealousness of Dracula's power since he went undefeated for more or less 400 years.

On the book, he wants to control Chaos to inherit Dracula's power, bit off topic here, but apparently Death was born from Chaos, at least Orlok says so.

Offline Malphas

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Re: Story - Alucard
« Reply #20 on: May 18, 2016, 02:44:46 PM »
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I'll make Olrox a bit more stoic, although IMO novel Olrox was too much of a cartoon-ish villain. I believe in the novel he gets cocky because Drac is gone, but über-Drac would quickly put this guy back in his place. With Drac around, the only thing left for him is to scheme/wait from the shadows and all while ranting about how much of a better boss he'd be than stupid, stupid Master Dracula.

Kinda like Scar, from the Lion King.

Offline Malphas

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Re: Story - Alucard
« Reply #21 on: June 29, 2016, 05:38:11 AM »
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Alright, I guess that should do it. Everything ready for this one. Changed lines here and there and added Agni.

EDIT: Scratch that. Shaft post battle still not ready.

 

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