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Author Topic: Story - Hector  (Read 1977 times)

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Offline FelixFalora

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Story - Hector
« on: April 04, 2013, 06:54:58 PM »
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It's been eons since I've last beaten Curse of Darkness. I am using all available resources to get this spot on, so please feel free to tell me whenever I have made a characterization error. This is before the events of Curse of Darkness, since my last attempts to ask before or after were met with no response, so if you want a story set after the events, let me know to do my rewrite.

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Story

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« Last Edit: May 27, 2013, 06:35:27 PM by FelixFalora »

However, we are forgiven.

Offline Malphas

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Re: Story - Hector
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2013, 09:23:45 PM »
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I liked the explanation of the CoD story. Very detailed and interesting, it fills all the non-explained things in Hector's game.

Also, the conversations so far seem fine, especially Astarte, who acts more like a goddess and less like a succubus.
Just a small remark: Hector was initially much more pissed at Saint Germain in CoD since he seemed to have the special ability to know too much and say too little, maybe you could exploit this trait.

Still, I don't want any specific spoilers but... will Hector have a life-changing revelation during the story? Saint Germain mentioned in CoD that there was another possible destiny waiting for him, I think that your story has the perfec excuse for Hector's destiny to change.
I can see that you have read about CoD and are familiar with the story so... praises to you! Good job. I'll be looking forward for the rest of the story.
« Last Edit: April 04, 2013, 09:49:05 PM by Malphas »

Offline (yber])ragon10]{

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Re: Story - Hector
« Reply #2 on: April 09, 2013, 11:04:46 PM »
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Post-CoD please. Why are you foregoing the experiences he had in the game like this? He overcame Dracula's Curse/his thirst for revenge, and reacquired his powers all the same. For not succumbing to the curse like Isaac did, he's a stronger character after CoD than before it as far as I'm concerned. I doubt Aeon or Germain would want to bring in Hector without that experience. :/

Dialogue seems fine so far, other than that. :T
"So you know cats are interesting. They are kind of like girls. If they come and talk to you it's great. But if you try to talk to them it doesn't always go so well."
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Offline rasgar

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Re: Story - Hector
« Reply #3 on: April 10, 2013, 03:00:47 PM »
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That depends on the angle he takes with the story, doesn't it? I find it easier to come up with a personal struggle for the character that teaches them a lesson and shapes who they are if I take them from a point before the end of their game. It offers the opportunity to think of what sort of thoughts the character might have struggled with before becoming the hero they are now, much like what Judgment did with Eric. This is why I took Montano from in between the two games, instead of at the end, and why I'm writing James from before he became a full vampire.

I feel that there are more ways to work with Hector before he gains all that experience and becomes a stronger person. I guess it's just up to Felix to prove that the decision was worth it.

About what you've written so far... I personally don't like the idea of Germain being the one to talk to Hector at the beginning. That would mean that they would've already met before CoD. I would suggest switching him out for Aeon, but I really like how you've written Germain's dialogue.

Offline (yber])ragon10]{

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Re: Story - Hector
« Reply #4 on: April 11, 2013, 02:04:34 AM »
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I feel that there are more ways to work with Hector before he gains all that experience and becomes a stronger person. I guess it's just up to Felix to prove that the decision was worth it.

Pretty much. Execution is key here since, from what I've seen, good concepts are easily marred by shoddy implementation. Post-CoD may be easier to work with is all. :T

About what you've written so far... I personally don't like the idea of Germain being the one to talk to Hector at the beginning. That would mean that they would've already met before CoD. I would suggest switching him out for Aeon, but I really like how you've written Germain's dialogue.

There is a mind-wipe after the story concludes though. A bit flimsy, but it'd handwave the whole they've-met-before thing. :/

The dialogue is what impresses me the most so far; as I read it, I'm hearing Crispin Freeman and Adam Clark barking at each other, and the lines make sense. Nothing is too jarring or too out of place... it's all plausible. :]
"So you know cats are interesting. They are kind of like girls. If they come and talk to you it's great. But if you try to talk to them it doesn't always go so well."
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Offline rasgar

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Re: Story - Hector
« Reply #5 on: April 11, 2013, 03:45:04 AM »
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There is a mind-wipe after the story concludes though. A bit flimsy, but it'd handwave the whole they've-met-before thing. :/

I'm aware of that, but Germain's mind isn't going to be wiped, is it? I could be remembering wrong, but I think I recall Germain being a bit of a loose-lipped, "Oops I said too much" kind of guy. I feel like he'd remember having talked to Hector before. But it isn't that big of a deal, I guess.

Quote
The dialogue is what impresses me the most so far; as I read it, I'm hearing Crispin Freeman and Adam Clark barking at each other, and the lines make sense. Nothing is too jarring or too out of place... it's all plausible. :]

I know exactly what you mean. I feel a little guilty about this, but I actually looked at the CoD script to see if any lines were lifted from it (since I'm used to seeing that happen). Felix definitely has characterization down.

Offline FelixFalora

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Re: Story - Hector
« Reply #6 on: April 11, 2013, 07:10:04 PM »
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I'm aware of that, but Germain's mind isn't going to be wiped, is it? I could be remembering wrong, but I think I recall Germain being a bit of a loose-lipped, "Oops I said too much" kind of guy. I feel like he'd remember having talked to Hector before. But it isn't that big of a deal, I guess.

Well having remembered the script, St. Germain (in his moment of loose-lippidness) had confessed to Hector when they first met that he had already known about everything that had transpired such as Rosaly's death and his pursuit of Isaac. So if we assume that St. Germain isn't as omnipotent and omnipresent as Aeon (which he very well could be for all we know), he'd have to have been a stalker of sorts in the cannon. I'm thinking that this could be an explanation (apart from god-like knowledge of course) as to how he knows this.

However, we are forgiven.

Offline FelixFalora

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Re: Story - Hector
« Reply #7 on: May 27, 2013, 06:35:59 PM »
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I am struggling more then I hoped I would, but I did add Carmilla and Olrox. I also have Shaft as a WIP, but not yet finished.

However, we are forgiven.

 

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